Love, Money, & Letting Go

Weddings have changed so much over the past few decades, and I’ve been thinking about how much of that change is really about expectations.

For many parents (especially in the boomer generation), contributing financially to a wedding historically came with a sense of responsibility—and often decision-making—around things like the guest list, traditions, and structure of the day. That wasn’t about control so much as stewardship: If we’re hosting, we help decide.

Today, that line looks very different. For many couples, parental contributions are understood as gifts—freely given, with love, but without strings attached. Decisions about guests, format, and meaning belong primarily to the couple, even when those choices are hard or emotional for others.

I’ve seen this play out in very personal ways. There are people who were deeply formative in my own life—almost parental figures—who won’t be present at my daughter’s wedding. Not because of conflict or lack of love, but because modern weddings often require clearer boundaries and smaller circles. It’s not a judgment on relationships; it’s a reflection of how weddings are now curated differently than they once were.

None of this is right or wrong. It’s simply a shift. And like most generational shifts, it asks all of us—parents, couples, families—to lead with curiosity, generosity, and grace.

At the end of the day, the goal hasn’t changed: to celebrate love. The way we get there just looks a little different now.

Why am I talking about weddings on a nonprofit best-practice site?

Because there are direct parallels.

In nonprofit work, we’ve also seen a clear shift over time:

• Then: Major donors often expected influence over programs, staffing, or priorities because their funding made the work possible.

• Now: Best practice emphasizes mission-driven governance, clear boundaries, and the idea that a gift supports the work—but does not direct it.

What are YOUR thoughts?